“Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em” was the title of an album by rapper MC Hammer in the 1990. Apparently this 1984 Cutlass didn’t listen, as someone’s hurt every corner of it. Maybe not with a hammer, but who knows? You can see it for yourself here on ebay, with a current bid just past $4,500 and the reserve not met. And should you decide that this mess is worth sorting out, you’ll find the car in Assonet, Mass. The bidding goes until Sunday afternoon.
Why isn’t $4550 enough? Well, the seller calls out the car’s status as a 442. However, that designation would be for a car in the 1985-87 model year range. What we have here is, in fact, a 1984 Hurst/Olds. (The 442 designation was in mothballs when this car came out, and revived in the 1985-87 model year run.) The Hurst/Olds was a limited-production car, as you can see in this well-researched article. The model ran a modified 307-CID V8 engine and had other upgrades baked in, none funkier than the “his-and-hers” Lightning Rod shifter set-up. This one is said to run on auxiliary gas supply, but it’s been sitting for nigh on thirty years (since 1997). It shows 70,000 ticks on the odometer, in the young-ish range, but those must have been some hard miles, if the rest of what’s pictured is any indication.
I’ve never known a car personally that sat in water, but I’d make the guess that this one might have done just that. The suspension parts are all rusted in lighter-to-heavier amounts. What makes it seem like these have been submerged is the degree of similarity in corrosion from one piece to another. Further, both doors have rot in the bottom sections. The seller also says that the passenger rear floor pan is soft. The interior is surprisingly good, though what appears to be mould on the console lid might prove me right about water incursion.
“Never hit, with awesome patina,” the ad says. Never hit by another car, he means. And as someone recently said on Barn Finds, “Go look up the definition of the word ‘patina’”—This ain’t it. This is just an MC Hammer special. If you feel like sorting out its contradictions, go ahead. But look it over—there’s at least one underside shot that looks suspiciously like a frame rail is rusty, and if that’s the case, you’re way over your head on restoring this car.
Correction. Please Hammer don’t hurt them was released in 1990. It was MC Hammer. Not TJ Hammer. Like almost saying TJ Hooker lol
Got it with thanks. Corrected as noted.
This is a no reserve auction and what is bid is what sells it.
I see the trunk pix shows rear seat with round circles thru covers (i am betting this baby used to vibrate really loud as music rapped and rocked out)
The under doors and bottom to me is a driver who never washed any salt or dirt off the car. Unless a mud puddle splashed of road then it was washed by nature.
Its restorable but one has to want to out in the labor.
I would but it in a lift and wrap the trans and ujoints up with plastic then sand blast it . Then prime and spray black paint.
Blow out the gas lines, clean tank and possibly run new brake lines and go thru brakes.
Run a compression check on motor to either drive or rebuild.
If rebuilt then bore out and forged pistons and mild cam .
Paint and drive it.
This could be a nice car..
This one is a mechanics Special. For that backyard shade tree mechanic who has the ability to do a lot of the work that will be required to bring this gem back to the looker it was back in
1984. The seller should either consider doing it or accept the highest bid that probably will fall below the reserve.
You spelled “mold” wrong. No u….. we do not live on the island ;)
What? No profanity, politics or personal attacks? You mean to tell me I can’t say that *** ***** is a ******* *******?! **** that ****!
Shame on you. I filled in the blanks with the naughty words!
This looks scary rough. $4500 is all the money Hurst ot not.
Want to sell just the rear axle assembly?
I guess you’ve never been to New England. This car was never submerged, this is what they look like underneath after living in Massachusetts. Actually to be honest, for a 1984 GM that’s lived outside its whole life this one is pretty solid. And the green stuff on the console is mold/fungus/algae. It forms on old car interiors when they’re parked outside in humid environments for several years.
The front end looks wanky.
Agreed. It looks bent in some way.
Credit to the seller for showing those underside photos. A 40 year old New England car, 70K miles or not, does not usually look this good if it was ever driven in the winter.
So, yes, the price seems high, but not for the area.
The shifter alone will bring $1500
SOLD for $7,300.
Is it to far gone well that depends on lot of things,starting with is the deive train original,because without that it’s just a cutlass to me and not even one. That’s in great or good shape, it looks like it was either in water or left on a lawn where it started to rust, are the floors good. This could be a nice car as they are worth more and are more desirable than the 1985- 1987 mostly because it was limited only 2 years but it nneeds a lot of work and starting a $4500 not sure I’d do it,but I will say that when I was a technician back when these car were new I never seen then come in for repair only regular maintenance and one lady who got the lightning rods stuck because she didn’t read the manual,very good cars.I would love to own one.