Amazing Custom 1970 Ford Ranchero Squire

Holy “Too much time on my hands,” Batman! Let’s face it; a normal 1970 Ranchero Squire appeals to a small sub-set of the car-buying public. Maybe that explains how this particular Ranchero could become an incredible custom vehicle featuring a sleeper cab and fifth-wheel goose-neck hitch. It’s like a mini-Hot Shot rig! This fascinating listing here on craigslist in Omaha, Nebraska can be yours for $1450, which the seller claims might be a fair price for the Ranchero / Torino front clip including the hidden headlight-equipped grille. Thanks to Nicholas T. for spotting this side-show freak.

Wow! This unique creation features body parts stolen either from an automotive graveyard or a rich personal collection. If I’m not mistaken, the rear portion of a pickup truck cab forms the foundation for “Sleeper.” The lower tail lights are stock 1970 Ranchero, with 1970 Torino tail lights and a fog light re-purposed as a loading light above the sliding rear window. Vertical stacks exhaust the engine’s spent gasses, and a Lincoln Continental trunk serves as a bed cover. The combination of the crude fender skirts and front and rear rubber “spoilers” impart Hovercraft-inspired aerodynamics. If you see other interesting details please comment below!

The ground-scraping custom front valance prevents lift at triple-digit speeds. The canted brush bar imbues this truck with post-apocalyptic menace. The aforementioned hidden headlights alone may justify the price of admission.

From the “WTH” department… this, folks, is the fifth-wheel goose-neck ball and safety chain loops, though I’d rather not find out what happens when your giant fifth-wheel camper pops loose while descending Fancy Gap. The seller makes no mention or depiction of the engine. I’d wager it’s the truck’s original Ford V8, but I can’t rule out Peugeot turbo-diesel or a 906 cid Seagrave V12. What would you pay for this truly one-of-a-kind mini Hot-Shot?

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Comments

  1. JazzGuitarist54

    I hear the theme to “Deliverance” in the background…

    15
    • Dick Johnson

      “Paddle faster Skippy, I hear banjo music.” — Seen on a bumper sticker near our home. The river is only two miles from us, and on a calm clear summer’s night, you can hear someone stringing up a banjo.

      Is there a Ford in YOUR future?

      6
    • Jerry Brentnell

      find a river bank that needs some thing to stop the bank from washing away and dump this heap in there and bury it!

      3
    • koa

      Any one who would desecrate a fine Automobile by doing this to it, ought to have their *** removed.

  2. SlickB

    ”Amazing” is not at all the word I think of when I see this…

    11
  3. Beatnik Bedouin

    Get thee to a vomitorium..!!!

    9
    • Dolphin Dolphin Member

      Yes…to the vomitorium, but all that moonshine sure led to a vision of a ‘unique’ vehicle.

      Unfortunately the vision was still there when he woke up, and it looks like he actually built it.

      And when it was done he called it ‘CREATION ONE’

      2
    • Mountainwoodie

      Imagine the fella who looked at this and thought….”I can make a buck off of this…”

      2
  4. gbvette62

    This must be the kind of thing you dream up, when you live somewhere like Nebraska, and the long cold winters trap you inside.

    3
    • Rodney

      …and you leave the kerosene heater going in the dirt-floor garage as you sit on a milk crate, drinking Keystone Light and staring at a Ranchero your uncle had and was on his way to the junkyard with before you “rescued” it. The carbon monoxide levels in the garage were a bit higher than ideal in this situation.

      8
      • Whippeteer

        Someone was sucking on a lot of lead paint chips.

        3
    • Anton N Meyers

      HEY!! I live in Nebraska….and it’s oddly compelling….

      2
  5. Troy s

    They forgot to put tires on it darn it, would have made all the difference in the world.

    6
  6. grant

    Wtf?

    4
  7. Rex Kahrs Member

    Sorry, but this is about the goofiest God damned thing I’ve seen in a long time. It’s not worth the time any of us have spent writing about it.

    10
    • Kevin Lee

      Rex, your post made me laugh, and I completely agree. Crush it, and let it die with some dignity,lol!

      5
  8. Classic Steel

    See what the opioids assiction has caused here!

    Get back on the wacky tobacky …good lord !!!!!!

    Gotta go gonna hurl 🤢

    6
    • grant

      Nah, the Opies would’ve nodded off before they got this far. Meth, maybe?

      6
      • Whippeteer

        Looks more like an acid trip.

        5
  9. PatrickM

    Nothing appealing here. Once again I ask you, how is it that people let this happen???

    3
    • Whippeteer

      On the next episode of “When bad things happen to good cars.”

  10. JagManBill

    I’m not going to ask why, as the answer may be scarier than this “creation”. Someone just shoot this poor thing and put it out of our misery….

    5
  11. Eric M.

    Hey… I gots me an idear…. hold my beer!

    8
    • mike g

      Hey Bubba, where’s da bailing wire and an duck tape. Did you use parts from da still

      1
    • SC/RAMBLER

      You might be a red neck if you create something like this

      2
  12. Neil

    That’s not a 5th wheel, it’s a Gooseneck hitch. Totally different beast.

    2
    • Todd Fitch Todd Fitch Staff

      Thanks, Neil. I was just following the phrase in the listing. Correction made. Much appreciated!

      1
  13. Mike

    I assume the creator of this thing was single well into his 70’s.

    5
  14. JACKinNWPA Jack in NW PA Member

    What I call Drinkin’ and a weldin’.

    7
  15. Kenny

    Well, the fiberglass woodgrain surround moldings look useable but obviously need refinishing but to someone restoring a 70-71 Ranchero Squire this might be worth buying just for those super-rare moldings, not much else worth saving though that couldn’t be bought aftermarket.

    7
    • scottymac

      I like the ram air hood, too. I want the address, interesting vehicles in the Craig’s List ad – ’63 & ’64 Fords; Studebaker Transtar flatbed; ’61 Dodge Dart hardtop; ’56 (?) Nash with a continental kit.

    • Jim

      Kenny,
      I always liked the early Ford Ranchero’s and never really cared for the later models until I saw yours. That is absolutely beautiful ! Not that you would ever see my comment but I had to reply anyways.

    • ron

      The blue one with factory rally wheels is heavenly ( and I drive a Vette!)

  16. Bill Shields

    Sigh…. somebody had a whole lotta hate for one innocent little ranchero.

    6
  17. Andrew not amember

    If only the powers where used for good.

    6
  18. Steve

    I had a 71′ Ranchero….drove it for years and years. Really liked having it. But you couldn’t give me that one….NO WAY !! (BTW, mine had a camper shell designed for the Ranchero)

    2
  19. Phoenix
  20. CanuckCarGuy

    Somewhere in there, is something that seemed like a good idea at the time.

    5
  21. Alan (Michigan) Member

    More appropriately,

    “Abomination One”

    Eh, I nominated it for “Best Of Craigslist”. Check that out sometime, this’d fit right in. Gotta have those deer whistles. No interior shots? How can we see all the great work that must be hidden inside?

    5
  22. Dan in Tx

    Wonder what “Creation 2” looked like?

    5
  23. PackardMike

    Grandpa always said ” if you wreck it save the hood ornament “, but in this case…………..

    2
    • glen

      I like your Grandpa! I have nothing to say about this car, however.

      1
  24. Steve

    poor car didn’t deserve this.

    2
  25. Alexander

    With the Lincoln trunk lid, this is really a fancy land cruiser! Betcha in its time this thing cruised the interstates in whisper-quiet luxury. NOT!

    1
  26. Michael

    This thing was created before crack cocaine came on the scene, so no idea what they were on here.

    1
    • Duffy Member

      Michael, it’s called “Sniffing Gasoline.”

      4
      • Whippeteer

        Sniffing glue more like…

  27. Peter S.R. Member

    “None of the bed moldings were cut or damaged during its transformation.”
    Having seen this, our senses may be harmed forever…

    1
  28. Ted Donahue

    Vanity license plate for this truck : SQLKAPG

    4
  29. Clint

    I’d buy it for the grill; sell off the woodgrain trim, pull any usable, unmodified parts & then send it to live with God.

    Bless its heart….

    3
  30. Fred W.

    I can’t believe no one else recognizes this as the rare prototype Special Option Package Ranchero for Arkansas Ford dealers….

    6
  31. Guy

    For that one I wouldn’t pay anything.

  32. Mark

    I’ll say it again…..sometimes what happens in the barn should stay in the barn…

    5
  33. Superdessucke

    The real estate market in some unlucky area in the U.S. is about to take a huge nosedive after this sells.

    4
    • Warren

      The real estate market in some lucky area in the U.S. is about to take a huge increase after this gets moved off the property..

      2
      • Superdessucke

        Zero sum game!

  34. Craig Walker

    That must’ve been one he’ll of a crash!

    1
  35. PAPERBKWRITER

    $300 parts car.

  36. JagManBill

    you’d really give $300 for this?

  37. Qabbott

    They had to use a Squire for this…

  38. Mark J. Soderberg

    i got high! really high…….look what i built!

  39. SRyan

    Waiting on the edge of my barstool for Creation TWO. Hope I’m really hammered when I see it.

    2
  40. Blueovaldude

    Dig a deep hole and maybe say a prayer…………

  41. Rob S.

    Scary!! How many vehicles gave their life for this abomination? I see a lincoln, torino, 58 ford truck cab, 70ish Chevy C10…..

  42. mike

    This looks like a Picasso, of the automotive world….LOL! I’d pull the driveline, and scrap the rest…and then take a shower with some kind of solvent….EEWWWW!

    2
  43. P Wentzell

    So much awful here.

  44. Whippeteer

    As the seller states, it has a good front clip…

  45. Chuck

    What if it’s a 1of 1 Squire with a 429 and a 4 speed, who has their wallet out now!

  46. 4504 Member

    HAHAHAHA! other than that, words fail me…

  47. 4504 Member

    The mini-camper shell is the clincher on this deal. This thing deserves to be dumped in the nearest lake launching ramp at midnight.

  48. Joe Machado

    I forgot what I was gonna say. No profanity! This makes you think in profanity, like that woman in Michigan!

  49. ron

    This vehicle makes the retro bate cast of deliverance look downright respectable banjo and all!

    • Little_Cars Little_Cars Member

      rep·ro·bate. Retro bait is what I use to fish when my tackle box hasn’t been opened since last season.

  50. Ron

    Reprobate….sorry.I tend to misspell when I am doubled over with laughter and this vehicle really makes me laugh!

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