It is said that a rat is just a bushy tail away from being hand fed in the park by little old ladies, but in the auto restorer’s unending battle against the forces of destruction there is little differentiation between a rat and a squirrel.  Squirrels just have a better profile and reputation.  Old cars, which are filled with wonderful nesting materials such as cloth wires, seat stuffing, and fabrics of all sorts, often fall prey to four legged varmints.  Often, collector cars sit for long periods of time, and once you find out that your car is the vermin equivalent of the Waldorf Astoria they have almost always made a mess of things.  Fortunately for this 1967 Pontiac Firebird, which can be found on Craigslist in Oldfort, Tennessee, being a pest penthouse hasn’t totally destroyed its value.  When looking at this $5,500 somewhat rolling project, the body looks to be restorable, but the engine isn’t there to provide another place to hide half eaten walnuts.

Yes, I said walnuts.  There are probably other nuts resting in and around the parts and pieces of this first year Firebirds.  The gourmands among us will likely have a field day in the comments section pointing out all manner of hickory nuts, pecans, acorns and other tree products that have been brought inside for luxury dining by these four legged foodies.  Given that this formerly beautiful Firebird probably sat for a decade or two under the dreaded blue tarp, these rodents have likely added a few hundred pounds of shells to the car’s overall weight.  That’s not even counting the inevitable product of a lack of domestication and house training that is epidemic among our stockpiling amigos.

Yet, you have to look on the bright side of everything.  At least the curvy confines of this Firebird provided safe haven for generations of squirrels, rats, mice, and God knows what else, so that the circle of life could continue.  Their inhabitancy also guaranteed that this Camaro cousin would not be put back on the road until a Barn Finds reader with a spare haz-mat suit writes a check for it and drags it onto a trailer.  Once a car gets to this point, it is only good for the body anyway.  I could go piece by piece pointing out the useable parts, but there aren’t that many.

I could also point out that the wide rims and tires on the rear point to this Firebird once having been a drag car at some level, but its going to need a full restoration anyway.  Without the original engine, then that restoration will likely consist of a Burger King style refurbishment, where the owner will build it up to their liking.  For that, it might be a pretty good candidate.  Most of the visible body panels are intact and re-useable, but my guess is that you’d better order floor pans when you stop for lunch on the ride home.

Inside is where the fun begins.  I think the plethora of nuts are the handiwork of squirrels, as I have never seen a rat carry a nut somewhere to patiently gnaw on it to extract its sweet meat.  However, I am sure that a rat travelling through may have spent a night or two in these classy confines.  This predicament has likely left any non-metallic substance in the car a petri dish of disease and bacteria.  I don’t see how anyone could make any soft part in here useable.  Febreze and Woolite can only do so much.

The carnage only grows more gruesome when you look on the back seat.  I don’t think those black things are miniature jellybeans.  They certainly won’t taste like jellybeans either.  At least the seller is kind enough to leave you with a half used air filter and what may be the cover as well.  A glimpse in the lower driver’s side corner of the back glass shows what may have been the front door of this four legged version of the Plaza Hotel.  Given the mess that rests on top of the package tray, you would think the front desk would have had the maids clean up the lobby so as to not scare off customers.

All kidding aside, the ever rising costs of putting a first generation Camaro or Firebird in your garage make this car one that may be worth a second look.  If you are going to strip one out to make the Firebird of your dreams, there are worse cars out there to start out with.  Farming out bodywork is expensive, and other cars in this price range often appear to need a lot more bodywork.  You’ll need everything else anyway, why not start with a decent body?  Don’t blame us though if you have a sudden craving for peanut butter every time you get behind the wheel when you finish.