The seller of this 1967 Chrysler Newport Custom waxes on, “You show up to Christmas in a beige crossover, and your father sighs. Your mother asks if you’ve ‘settled down.’ ​No more. Rolling up in this pillarless 4-door hardtop—gliding silently on its 87,000 original miles—will finally give your family something to talk about besides your ‘career path.’ Your disappointed relatives won’t know whether to stage an intervention or ask for a ride to the liquor store. Either way, you’ve won.” Well, that’s a heck of an opening and oh so appropriate with Christmas just three days away. Heavily patinaed, or “chronologically distinguished” as the seller suggests, this one’s worth a review on the entertainment value of the listing alone. This “Main Character of Your Own Mid-Century Drama” is cooling its heels in Kingston, Washington, and is available here on Facebook Marketplace for $5,500. Once again, Curvette has brought home the bacon with this most interesting discovery.

So, back in 1967, when Chrysler actually built several models/trim levels of passenger cars, as opposed to a single decade-old minivan, the Newport, in standard and Custom trim, were popular entry-level models for ChryCo’s upper-level division. Body styles included two and four-door hardtops, a four-door sedan, and a convertible. Total Newport production reached 144,000 units in ’67, of which only 12,000 were Newport Custom four-door hardtops such as our subject. Whether chronologically distinguished, badly faded, or just messed up looking, whichever descriptor you prefer, this Newport is visually rough, at least the horizontal surfaces are; the rest is pretty fair. There’s no indication of rot – just some minor lower quarter panel rust, the stainless trim is all still attached, no docking damage is apparent (this sucker is 219.3 inches long and rides on a 124-inch wheelbase), and the underside looks structurally sound.

According to the seller, a 270 gross HP, 383 CI V8, “that sounds like a thunderstorm in a tuxedo,” (I can’t make this stuff up) powers this steed. It is claimed to have only experienced 87,000 miles of usage, although no authentication is provided. A “smooth as butter” TorqueFlite, three-speed automatic transmission provides all of the necessary gear connections.

The two-tone vinyl interior is in surprisingly nice shape. It’s not a luxury environment, but that wasn’t Newport’s station in life. The backrest of the front seat is showing either years of white-knuckle gripping by nervous Nellie backseat drivers or, more than likely,  it’s just the effects of Mother Nature that also left her imprimatur on the exterior. What can be spied of the dash, instrument panel, carpet, and door panels indicates no attention needed.

As the seller suggests, “Are you tired of being the ‘sensible’ one? Are you ready to pull into the driveway in something that says, ‘I have a 25-gallon fuel tank and a complete disregard for parallel parking’?” Well, if that’s the case, this Newport Custom is for you. Any takers?