Onyx Black is the only color for this rig. I can’t imagine a Summit White or Victory Red Suburban fully outfitted with armor plating by O’Gara Hess & Eisenhardt Armoring Company out of Ohio. Yes, this 1996 Chevrolet Suburban K2500 4×4 is loaded with armor plating, the seller has it posted here on craigslist in Falcon, Colorado, and they’re asking $35,900. Here is the original listing, and thanks to Rocco B. for the tough tip!
The seller’s listing reads like 90% of the infomercials that I see while watching retro TV shows, the ones from the 50s/60s/70s. The ads are aimed squarely at older people, and companies know they scare easily, apparently. Everything is an impending crisis; you’re going to fall, your car is going to break down, you must tell your doctor that you need Zilnaxadroll, etc. I get the seller’s point, though.
This is a troubled world, but sadly, it always has been. The next owner is the only one who can decide whether they need a 30-year-old, nearly 10,000-pound, armor-plated Chevy Suburban to somehow try to get through this troubled world that we live in. In case you were wondering, yes, the tires have built-in run-flat inserts. Here’s what the rear cargo area looks like: it has ample space for supplies, ammo, and several bottles of Nahtraxidrill for that ailment that you need to talk to your doctor about, the one that you didn’t even know you had until you saw that commercial. The exterior looks great in the photos, but they say that there is some hail damage and some clearcoat issues. I wish we knew the history of why this Suburban was created; that would be super interesting. The seller is the second owner and they have had it since 2015.
The interior is beautiful in this eighth-generation Suburban. Chevrolet made this era Suburban from late 1991 for the 1992 model year until the end of 1999 here, and until 2001 in Australia. With only 38,046 miles, this one is barely broken in, which is a bad phrase in this sorry and dangerous world we live in (sorry, I’m sticking with the theme…). The back seat area looks like new, and aside from O’Gara Hess & Eisenhardt armor plating under the sheet metal, this 4×4 3/4-ton Suburban also has a gun safe that can be used to lock up anything you may need in an emergency. Yes, even Snickers bars.
Sadly, the seller didn’t bother to pop the hood to show us the engine. They do show the 2-inch thick door glass in the front two doors, which is cool. I wonder if the power window motors were upgraded or if that wasn’t needed. I have to assume that O’Gara Hess & Eisenhardt Company thinks of everything after being in business for (are you sitting down?) 140 years, and having provided presidential and other armored vehicles since the 1940s! The seller refers to the engine as a 7.3-liter V8, but this should be Chevy’s Vortec 7.4-liter (454-cu.in.) OHV V8 with 290 horsepower and 420 lb-ft of torque when new. This one has an added supercharger, no doubt for the added 5,000-pound weight, along with an MSD ignition and upgraded Brembo brakes.
The transmission in the 2500-series Suburbans would have been the upgraded 4L80-E, a four-speed overdrive automatic able to handle torque up to 440 lb-ft, which automatically churns my brain into wondering about the added supercharger power numbers. I’m assuming that after three decades, everything works as it should. Geo or other GM experts may know more about that transmission. There was also a 4L85-E used on later Suburbans, which was able to handle a 50% bump in torque ratings. The seller says this tough rig runs great, and it also has a new battery. Would any of you have a use for an armored Suburban?
If i was planning on starting a life of crime, i would definitely consider this vehicle.
Can’t think of many legit uses for an “old” up armored Suburban unless someone is wanting an innocuous rig for a private personal protection company..
The rush hour commute can get pretty brutal in my city!
I wonder what it was doing 30 yeas ago.
Over priced.
This is definitely one interesting Suburban. You’d definitely need that big block to lug around all that extra weight. I’m wondering what they did with the suspension? It seems to sit pretty much at a stock height? I don’t know about anyone else, but after reading this I suddenly need to go see my Doctor for a trial of that new drug Zilnaxadroll!!! Maybe it will help!! That was a good line Scotty thanks for the laugh. I’m guessing if you drew up a convertible version of this beast it would kind of defeat that whole “bullet proof” thing huh?
Wannabe gangsters ride!
Add some hidden nerf bars, bull bars front and rear, and you are ready for the daily commute on the Long Island Expressway!!! Go ahead and hit me loser!! An interesting vehicle, but not too practical because if you could afford it you would not be living in a neighborhood where you would need it.
Now days you can’t buy a 3/4 ton Suburban/Yukon XL unless you are a government agency. They are only built for this purpose. And they are not 3/4 ton. They are 1 ton spec.ed vehicles. So when you see Black Suburbans, check out how many lugs on the wheels. The one with 8 lugs is the one hauling the “important person” Naturally, the driver “should” have graduated from the anti terrorist/anti kidnapping drivers school. Does Turner School still do that?
Interesting driver’s school. The number 1 thing is NEVER STOP! They drum that into your head constantly. And the other things include Don’t hesitate to use the sidewalk, how to “jump a curb” for the least possible tire damage. And all the car control stuff like bootleg turns and high speed maneuvers and how to use your car as a weapon without causing drivability issues. (with and without flat tires) I wanted to take the class. But the cost was not in my budget.
I have to wonder how the “Hail” can an armored vehicle receive that damage? must’ve been the grapefruit size??
Wayne D, the seller mentions the hail damage, saying that the armor plating is under the sheet metal body panels.
This is about 15 miles from me…I should go look at it although I don’t know what I’d say to the guy….”how’s the mileage?”.
Since it’s not far from all the military and secretive govt stuff in Colorado Springs it’s probably owned by some retired officer or other govt type who know more than we do about what’s really going on and is getting ready….
This sounds like a perfect cartel rig. They would probably trade you a couple of Kilos of coke for it. I’m thinking one wouldn’t want to cross the southern border with this. It could take awhile while they dissemble and hopefully resemble it for you.
I went over the U.S.-CAN. border below Quebec without a glance.After a beautiful weekend in St.Georges strip clubs,they tore my p/u truck apart at the border coming back. They left door panels and other stuff in the back.A night in St. Georges Four Seasons motel was worth all the extra work they left me with.Not including a big chunk of hash in my boots.lolol
Maybe the gross vehicle weight number will be closer to the price.
Not a bad looking ride but those are not fun to drive. Anyone that purchases this beefy beast of a rig would certainly benefit from learning how to operate it “properly.” I’m sure it’s well-made but it’s still priced a bit high, imho. Good luck to the seller though.
Can start you own driving school.
If I had a place to put it, I’d buy it just because. I’m quirky that way.
good luck with that price. no matter what this is.
Boy do I need this here in Melbourne! Just add a Ronco Smash And Crash Road Rage Bumper Kit, and you’ll be ready to
play bumper tag with all those inconsiderate a-holes and send them sailing into the nearest ditch! Great car to protect your
family from any potential riots
that are caused by Karmelo Anthony and his magic switch blade. Or, we could use it to transport our Queen around the
BF Universe. Angel, your chariot
awaits!
Anyone planning a vacation in IRAN ? Be just the ticket.
Up until a few years ago, I did counterterrorism and bomb detection work. These vehicles were the staple of many motorcades that I swept over the years. They were usually the larger vehicle in the line. Working around them, opening and closing their armored doors with bulletproof glass, what I felt and what my eyes saw weren’t in agreement. Not that full sized Chevy trucks were light from the factory, but those doors had some serious weight to them. I’d occassionally have to give them a second push to shut them as I worked my K9 around the truck. At one point, I desired owning one as a novelty item, perhaps anticipating the “war” stories I’d later tell in my life as a full time civilian. While gas prices, inflation, and room have extinguished that fantasy, the very few times I’ve seen one come up for sale have reminded me of the post 9/11 shift on counterterrorism and those we lost on that dreadful day. While those of us on this side of the puddle kept civilians and dignitaries safe, there were very special men and women who mirrored us on the other side but who often had more than just explosives to worry about as they operated on hostile territory. My heart and respect goes out to each of them. Godspeed to our soldiers and law enforcement personnel and may they all have the great fortune of one day also becoming full time civilians.