Sometimes Mama’s Rule Has To Be Broken!

If you’re from the South, you may have heard of Mama’s rule: If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. Well, I can’t hold my tongue back on this catastrophe of a 1931 Ford Model A that hails from Doylestown, Pennsylvania, and is listed for sale here on eBay with an opening bid (not made) of $5,499 and no reserve. I’d thank reader Peter R. for coming up with this find, but if he’s like me his eyes still hurt and he’s probably regretting looking at it!

I’d really like to know who thought it was a good idea to install what at first glance looks like a Dodge Daytona/Plymouth Superbird wing on a Model A. But apparently that wasn’t enough, as two semi-horizontal fins were added about halfway up on the vertical supports for the wing. Supposedly this is an all-steel body, although if the wing and fins are made of steel, I’d have to give them credit for craftsmanship, but I seriously doubt that. The poor wheel choice just exacerbates the jarring styling.

Now, let me state right here that I absolutely support the right of anyone to do whatever they want with their own vehicles, and I do support creativity, etc, and some of the most beautiful cars I’ve ever seen are one-off customs. Please understand that my thoughts on this…thing…are at least somewhat tongue in cheek. Okay?

Is that pink house insulation panels that have been glued to the trunk lid/rumble seat opening? I’m guessing those are rust bubbles to the right of the door, but to be honest, who knows. Part of me wonders why it looks like a fiberglass replica in spots. Oh, mama, I can’t hold it in any longer–this may be my least favorite car we’ve ever featured! Aaaaaarrrrgh! My eyes hurt!

Apparently the wing wasn’t enough, the builder decided to craft a presumably one-off grille based on a 1932 Ford as well. I’ll leave the aesthetics of the grille alone as some of you might like it. Do you notice that even the car looks embarrassed about its appearance with downcast “eyes”? The body was installed on a Morrison frame with Mustang II front end components and, as you can see, the engine and transmission are conveniently not included, so you can choose your own!

The “interior” features a decent looking dashboard (see, Mama, I’m trying), with a nasty old ugly aftermarket steering wheel and convenient floor ventilation provided by the lack of a lower firewall. The unique and economical door latch system will only require a short amount of time to re-tie every time you drive this beauty! Please let us know if one of you buys this one, so I can avoid wherever you are and keep what’s left of my eyes intact!

 

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Comments

  1. blake

    im sorry but thats the ugliest car i think i’ve ever seen

  2. Brakeservo

    A little early for April Fools!

  3. Jeffro

    I’m from Georgia and my Mama used to say…”If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me!”. Mama told it how is was. That being said, this car has potential. However, I’d have to “redo”/”undo” some of the enhancements that it has already been “engineered”.

    • Brian T Kearns

      I’d have to agree this car needs to be undone then redone

    • JACKinNWPA Jack NW PA Member

      My Mama always used to say “If you can’t say something nice…tell the truth”

    • Brian

      Dumb modifications make good cars cheap!

  4. healeydays

    Nothing a sawzall couldn’t take care of.

    Like 1
  5. Vegaman_Dan

    Once the body is removed and scrapped, chassis and suspension junked, you’ll have a nice empty spot on the driveway, and that would be worth more than this, um, art piece.

  6. Jay M

    The subtle rear wing is a stylish touch that integrates well with the flawless paint and bodywork.

    💩💩💩

  7. erikj

    OOH GOD, I didn’t know there where so many weird, gross cars like this. More strange stuff keeps coming up lately. My poor tummy hurts.
    Must be the time of year or something. I,M guilty, still have to look and read about these and wonder what’s next, kinda scares me that people can put so much time and money into stuff like this. good luck to the buyer if there is one.
    Ok shoot me down!!!

  8. kevin

    You could be everyone’s wing man driving this.(wink,wink).

  9. Ed P

    I think the wing was rare factory option. Henry Ford was known for trying new things. 😂🤣👀🛴

    • Mike H. Mike H

      No, not really. If he had had his way FoMoCo wouldn’t have ever built anything but The Model T, eternally. Product improvements were fine with old Henry, but new things were not. They about had to twist off his arm in order to develop the Model A.

      Stolen from our friends at Wikipedia:

      From the mid 1910s through the early 1920s, Ford dominated the automotive market with its Model T. However, during the mid-1920s, this dominance eroded as competitors, especially the various General Motors divisions, caught up with Ford’s mass production system and began to outcompete Ford in some areas, especially by offering more powerful engines, new convenience features, or cosmetic customization. Also, features Henry Ford considered to be unnecessary, such as electric starters, were gradually shifting in the public’s perception from luxuries to essentials.

      Ford’s sales force recognized the threat and advised Henry to respond to it. Initially he resisted, but the T’s sagging market share finally forced him to admit a replacement was needed. When he finally agreed to begin development of this new model, he focused on the mechanical aspects and on what today is called design for manufacturability (DFM), which he had always strongly embraced and for which the Model T production system was famous. Although ultimately successful, the development of the Model A included many problems that had to be resolved. For example, the die stamping of parts from sheet steel, which the Ford company had led to new heights of development with the Model T production system, was something Henry had always been ambivalent about; it had brought success, but he felt that it was not the best choice for durability. He was determined that the Model A would rely more on drop forgings than the Model T; but his ideas to improve the DFM of forging did not prove practical. Eventually, Ford’s engineers persuaded him to relent, lest the Model A’s production cost force up its retail price too much.

      Henry’s disdain for cosmetic vanity as applied to automobiles led him to leave the Model A’s styling to a team led by his son Edsel, even though he would take credit for it despite his son doing more of the work.

      • Ed P

        Mike, I guess you did not get the joke.

    • 68 custom

      in any color as long as it was black!

  10. JW454

    I’m afraid with this one you’d just have to pick out what is savable and let the rest go to it’s final resting place. Sad.

  11. M/K

    Fix its teeth, remove its ass and put new shoe on the old girl an she could be a looker pretty quickly people.

  12. CapNemo

    The engine and trans are missing because the get up and go got up and left. They were embarrassed.

  13. Red'sResto

    Some things are better left in the barn…

  14. Eric Hare

    Is it just me, or in the picture with the open trunk/rumble seat does the whole back end look like it is made of carved foam? If that is true, there might be a lot less car to fix.

    • 68 custom

      I was thinking the same thing and hoping they had not ruined a steel body?

  15. Hoos Member

    Most times when people ask where I live, I tell them “just above Doylestown”, because most have not heard of my town. I think I need to stop using Doylestown as a landmark………

  16. Rocko

    I guess after a while you sorta step back ,a little tired , start losing interest after the paint job and snickerings, and decide to sell off the lack of enthusiasm once reality sets in that you did not pull off the desired effect of sprucing up the dullish old fashion rear end.

  17. Wayne

    That rumble seat looks a lot smaller than original.

  18. Blindmarc

    This is your brain on drugs…………

    • MSG Bob

      With a side of bacon and hash browns!
      And did you notice that the side fins are apparently designed to provide UPforce?

  19. Ck

    What a mess,I wonder what it looked like before the twelve gallons of Bondo were slaped on.I supose you could sand it down into a highboy.

  20. Somer

    Concours d’ Lemons………………

  21. Cebo

    Told ya that fiberglass fumes will get ‘ cha high

    • Brakeservo

      More than that, will apparently also kill brain cells – those involved with aesthetics and good taste (and maybe even common sense) . . .

  22. Rob

    I have no doubts my grandfather is looking down on this through my eyes and he is about to lose his mind for this travesty to a Model A.

  23. Jay E.

    You know, If this thing were all rusted steel it would be considered a cool “Rat Rod”, or at least what rat rods started out as. Really, it is the paint that makes so off putting. So sand blast it, weather it, clear it and enjoy it. Imagine the reactions at a car show, probably 10x that of a restored Pinto. Some weird part of me likes it, especially the wing. Its sort of Milners ’32 gone to the dark side.

    Like 1
  24. packrat

    So, did Mattel ever commission full size Hot Wheels prototypes? No? Then I’m out of guesses. I have no idea what they were thinking.

  25. John

    My daughter who drives a Skyline GTT just walked in the room and saw me looking at this, I’m so embarrassed.

  26. David Frank David F Member

    Wow! Poor taste AND poor workmanship all in one vehicle! And I thought the red “show truck” was, uh, interesting, and, uh, in poor taste. Jamie outdid me by a mile with this one! I am humbled. At least the “show truck” seller didn’t name the manufacturer of the abomination and embarrass them in his posting.

  27. Mark

    Mount a Porta-Potti on the back and you’d be all set for the next Burning Man.

  28. Mike W H

    Sad to see the bath salts epidemic has moved in to Doylestown.

    The upside is this addled crew turned their attention to this poor Ford and isn’t out eating homeless people.

  29. TJP

    “on a MORRISON CUSTOM FRAME” must be BUBBA Morrison,

    “with cubbed out rear” HUH ???

    “9 bolt rear” can’t count past 9

    They walk amongst us, worst part is they breed ;) LOL

    • Ian

      I was thinking more Jim Morrisson.

  30. Andrew S. Mace Member

    I’m thinking that, if I were restoring a late 1940s or early 1950s Reo school bus and I needed headlamps, I’ve found them on this…uh…thing with two useful headlamp units and little else. Am I correct in that thought?

  31. tugdoc

    This car is so ugly it’s headlights are downcast!

  32. David meichelbock77

    Man it’s worth 5 dollars if they ship it to me

  33. Mark S Member

    Ok we’ve herd all the bad points. Let’s talk about what this can become. The seller said that it is an all steel body so the first order of business is to buy it for next to nothing. Then I’d cut that fin off close to the body, remove the body from frame then media blast the body. If it’s a bondo buck then part it as best as you can, but if it’s good then I’d see what the chassie needed and make it right. Now here’s where the fun work would begin if make a chop top convertible. I’d put a 302cid engine with a c4 trans behind it. I’d put a medium brown interior into it with a matching top. Of course I’d replace the grille to or possibly rework that one. The final touch would be to paint it with forest green fenders and a medium cream coloured body with forest green and gold pin striping. That’s what you do with a diamond in the rough. JMHO.

  34. joe haska

    Yea Mark, I’m thinking of what you just said,it is just, about as smart as the guy that put this mess together, just take a pile of nothing and worthless and throw an absolute fortune at it, and then stand back and say look what I built out of nothing and a butt load of money! JMHO

    • Mark S Member

      Joe I’m a licensed mechanic and a llicenced weld I’m a excellent fabricator I no how to sew and I have 4 sewing machine and I’m an excellent scrounger. I’m also a pretty good painter, If this were my build it would not take me a fortune to turn this into a nice little hot rod. The problem with guys like you Joe is you have no skills and a car like this would cost you a fortune because you’d have to bring it to a guy like me.

      Like 1
      • M/K

        Amen Mark. Like I said previously “fix her teeth”(grill)”remove its ass”(bye bye sissy wing)and “new shoes”(wheels and tires) and she would be a looker. I think there is a lot of “ARMCHAIR(pseudo)CAR GUYS” I have wondered how many of them have grease and/or dirt under their nails or the strains that don’t wash out of the lines and cracks of their hands. Mark GUYS like us will always make money off the others with beasties like this and we can make a living in a recessed economy because we have a skill that is always in demand. So thank you for saying what you did in that oh so elegant way 😱

        Like 1
    • Mark S Member

      All you guys are seeing is that stupid fin your not seeing that this car has some good bones. I ask you guys how many of you have or know a car that was taken from nothing to something, that’s what this hobby used to be about. How many of you guys are holding on to your babies because you put your heart and sole into them even though it cost you way more than you’ll ever get for them. Joe isn’t a hobbies the he’s a speculator doesn’t now how to put in the sweet and skinned knuckles. JMHO……..

  35. Ian

    Ok… Someone gave this guy about 10 hits of LSD, made him listen to all four sides of Lou Reed’s “Metal Machine Music” (the worlds most unlistenable album EVER for those who don’t know) for 3 hours, gave him some gasoline to huff, then put on a CD by the Japanese punk band The Boredoms and pointed him towards to unsuspecting car and said “Get to work”.

    • Jeffro

      You sound like a guy I went to HS with.

  36. Bill McCoskey

    Ebay auction said it was a convertible. The only thing that screams “converted” is from coupe to crap.

  37. smittydog

    I was not blessed with a creative gene in my body. So this would probably be what my attempt at customizing would look like! Too funny!

  38. Joe Haska

    Mark, I guess you and I are in some what of a pissing match, and that’s OK. I don’t want to start defending myself, and who I am and what I have done in the car industry , particularly Hot Roding. I will just say your not even in the Ball Park, I don’t know what I said that made you think I have no skills and never built a car, just paid for it, that just couldn’t be any farther from the truth. But, again that’s OK we don’t see eye to eye, but don’t assume who I am, just because I said, trying to save that stupid Model A isn’t much smarter, than the guy that ruined it. If we are just making assumption mine would be, I have built and driven more early Ford Traditional Hot Rods than you have ever seen, but I’m not going to say that, because I don’t know, I’m just assuming because of your remarks! Good Bones, give me a break!

    • Mark S Member

      Your right Joe you don’t know me. And even though I have not focused on building hotrods and really don’t have any interest in starting I did work as licensed mechanic for 25 years before changing trades. I tip my hat to you if you are who you say you are. The fact of the matter is I put my comment in because all I herd was a bunch of gripers and people that couldn’t see past that stupid fin. Again even you would have to admit that if you could get this cheep enough a skilled restorer could make this into a mild little hotrod that could be sold. By the way how should I have responded to your smart a$$ comment. I have a low tolerance for cheep shots. Have a great Joe and thanks for your input.

  39. Jubjub

    Yes, it’s awful. However I would be amused seeing it cruising around the street rod nationals this summer.

    For starters, lose that awful grill. Needs weird, low positioned, headlights, maybe square, to “jive” with the wing. Slam the front end on low profiles, talls on the back, add moon discs. Drivetrain options are your oyster.

    Oh yeah, maybe integrate some ’59 Caddy bullet tailamps onto the wing. Come to think of it, some sixties Mopar buckets with the cool separate headrests might be fun too.

  40. Jamie Palmer Jamie Staff

    Not surprisingly, this abomination got zero bids and didn’t sell.

  41. Rattrodd

    This car looks like the one on American Graffiti!

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